in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
