You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
