Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
