Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
