The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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