no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize