the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
