Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
