just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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