the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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