So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
