Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
