I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize