Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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