I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
