Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
