You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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