i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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