do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
