My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
