I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
