Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
