meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
