I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
