Yo dont text me then not text me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
