nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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