can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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