I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize