after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
