Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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