Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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