so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize