Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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