fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
