I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize