so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
