if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
