We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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