I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
