it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
