What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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