This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
