hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
