I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
