This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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