Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Actions speak louder than pants.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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