Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
