There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
