your parents love me but you hate me
Will you blow on my dice?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I need moral support for this bender
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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