I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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