Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
