from now on my penis is your penis
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
