i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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