yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
