he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
