I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize