I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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