based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize