dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
