Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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