Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
