Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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