I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
