I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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