Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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