"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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