Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
