I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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