He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
