I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We left the knife in your bed.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
