It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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