my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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