if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
