he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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