i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just want nice things and good sex
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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