I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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