So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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