I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
