I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
