I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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