He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
