And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize