moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
