Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
