If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
