Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
