The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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