Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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