who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
