Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
