Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm really busy with my period
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