Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Banned from zoo.
Again?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize