Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
