I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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