It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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