he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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