Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
COCAINE IS GR8
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