Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
