rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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