I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
