Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
