one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My boob is missing a layer of skin
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
